Baby Daddy Drama

Where do I begin without making this a long story? Here is the short of it: my oldest daughter's father and I are not together and have not been a couple for 13 years (the age of our daughter). He has always been the type of man who wants to be in the household with his children and when we were together he was a good man. He had a child previous to our daughter and decided that he needed to be with his daughter in order to prevent her mother from ruining the child's life. He found out later that I was pregnant again (miscarriage) and said that it was up to me what I did about the pregnancy but that he was not cut to be an outside father and probably would not act right.

That was 13 years ago and he still has that same mindset. He feels that since he sacrificed his adult life with a woman that he didn't love in order to protect his child that he is not being selfish when it comes to our daughter. He does not spend time with her and he does not call her. Yesterday was her birthday and she called him. How can a real man think that it is okay to stay the same. I thought that as time goes on we all change...our thought process is supposed to become different...isn't it? He says that the one thing that he can say about himself is that he is consistent...meaning he told me that he wasn't cut to do this and that he was not going to respond well to the entire situation so why should I expect him to be any different. He says that it is my responsibility to protect my daughter's feelings when it comes to her father...so when she ask me why hasn't he called or seen her...I always lie and say that he is probably busy or tired, however I am not going to lie to her anymore. I am going to direct all questions about him...to him. I know that he is not going to say anything to hurt her feelings because he doesn't hate her...he loves her...in his own way, but he can't see past himself.

My baby is smart and beautiful and I know that she is going to be all that she can be. However, I am afraid that the void that she has because of the lack of her father in her life will start to cause her drama. She loves him soooooo much but she is starting to see for herself that he is selfish. Now he thinks because of his previous sacrifice that he is not selfish...but he is. He can't simply close his eyes and keep pretending like it is okay to treat our daughter like this.

I have had this conversation with him and I am tired of saying the same thing. He truly does not understand the damage that he can cause to our baby. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have to continue to allow her to see him as he really is and just make sure that I am there to pick up any pieces. I will always be here for her and I will continue to guide her in the right direction.

I have to put myself in a position to no longer judge her father because his judgement will come by the Creator. He is missing out on such a wonderful person and he doesn't even know it...or does he and he just doesn't care?

Today

Today is my the anniversary of my daughter's birth.! She is 13 today! I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday! My water broke@ 5am and she was born @ 8:25pm. I pushed for tow very painful hours(ouch). We are going to celebrate the anniversary of her birth with family and friends.

I have not liked 12 and I am told that 13 is not going to get better. Well that SUCKS!!!!! I wanted to hurt her several times @ 12. What am I going to want to do to her now? I remember what I was like @ 13...and baby...I am in for it! (LOL)

I know it is just me but when she got up this morning she looked different to me. She looked older and I am getting scared. I am a very protective mother and as she has gotten older I have let her have a lot more freedom...however...I am not sure if I want her to keep that freedom now! She is gorgeous!...and I'm not just saying that because she is my baby...she is beautiful!!! I think I am going to home school her(LOL).