Baby Daddy Drama

Where do I begin without making this a long story? Here is the short of it: my oldest daughter's father and I are not together and have not been a couple for 13 years (the age of our daughter). He has always been the type of man who wants to be in the household with his children and when we were together he was a good man. He had a child previous to our daughter and decided that he needed to be with his daughter in order to prevent her mother from ruining the child's life. He found out later that I was pregnant again (miscarriage) and said that it was up to me what I did about the pregnancy but that he was not cut to be an outside father and probably would not act right.

That was 13 years ago and he still has that same mindset. He feels that since he sacrificed his adult life with a woman that he didn't love in order to protect his child that he is not being selfish when it comes to our daughter. He does not spend time with her and he does not call her. Yesterday was her birthday and she called him. How can a real man think that it is okay to stay the same. I thought that as time goes on we all change...our thought process is supposed to become different...isn't it? He says that the one thing that he can say about himself is that he is consistent...meaning he told me that he wasn't cut to do this and that he was not going to respond well to the entire situation so why should I expect him to be any different. He says that it is my responsibility to protect my daughter's feelings when it comes to her father...so when she ask me why hasn't he called or seen her...I always lie and say that he is probably busy or tired, however I am not going to lie to her anymore. I am going to direct all questions about him...to him. I know that he is not going to say anything to hurt her feelings because he doesn't hate her...he loves her...in his own way, but he can't see past himself.

My baby is smart and beautiful and I know that she is going to be all that she can be. However, I am afraid that the void that she has because of the lack of her father in her life will start to cause her drama. She loves him soooooo much but she is starting to see for herself that he is selfish. Now he thinks because of his previous sacrifice that he is not selfish...but he is. He can't simply close his eyes and keep pretending like it is okay to treat our daughter like this.

I have had this conversation with him and I am tired of saying the same thing. He truly does not understand the damage that he can cause to our baby. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have to continue to allow her to see him as he really is and just make sure that I am there to pick up any pieces. I will always be here for her and I will continue to guide her in the right direction.

I have to put myself in a position to no longer judge her father because his judgement will come by the Creator. He is missing out on such a wonderful person and he doesn't even know it...or does he and he just doesn't care?

Today

Today is my the anniversary of my daughter's birth.! She is 13 today! I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday! My water broke@ 5am and she was born @ 8:25pm. I pushed for tow very painful hours(ouch). We are going to celebrate the anniversary of her birth with family and friends.

I have not liked 12 and I am told that 13 is not going to get better. Well that SUCKS!!!!! I wanted to hurt her several times @ 12. What am I going to want to do to her now? I remember what I was like @ 13...and baby...I am in for it! (LOL)

I know it is just me but when she got up this morning she looked different to me. She looked older and I am getting scared. I am a very protective mother and as she has gotten older I have let her have a lot more freedom...however...I am not sure if I want her to keep that freedom now! She is gorgeous!...and I'm not just saying that because she is my baby...she is beautiful!!! I think I am going to home school her(LOL).

Am I Wrong?

My husband was laid-off a few months ago and has been collecting unemployment. He has also begun coaching our daughters basketball team. Her is my problem...he is not looking for a job! He has 17 weeks of unemployment left to collect and does not really want to seek a job until after the basketball season is over. He doesn't want a job to interfere with his coaching schedule! WTH? Did I mention that coaching is unpaid and that he intends to coach the boys jv team? Now when I was attending Specs Howard he worked two jobs, just to make sure all of the bills were taken care of and I really appreciated that. However, I am not going to take on another job, and go to school( I am going for my Bachelors) and take care of the house( children, cleaning cooking) just so he can coach basketball! I WANT HIM TO GET A FRIGGIN' JOB!!!!! I don't think I'm wrong in wanting him to work. The little bit of $ he gets from unemployment helps very little. So, I am essentially keeping us afloat. There are days when I get angry and then there are days when I get depressed. I never tell him that each feeling has anything to do with him. I don't want to hurt him, because I could not say it in a "kind" way. So, I am stuck, being angry or depressed and "living life"...such tat it is!!

WTH???

So, I decide to allow my 18 year old nephew move back in with us.(he just turned 19 today). We kicked him out because he got physical with my husband. He has been back with us since August and things were going along well for a while. He works(2 jobs) and goes to school. He has given us $50 towards groceries and $250 toward rent. This was in August. He eats like Jethro and does not care if anyone else in the house gets to eat. He lost his house key and has not had another one made, and that wouldn't be a problem if he didn't get off work @ 2 or 3 in the morning. Which means one of us has to wait up for him to get home. He uses our car, occasionally, but will only put in enough gas to get where he is going and back home. Did I mention that we drop him off at the bus station everyday so that he can get to school and he gets angry when we won't pick him up after school. The real problem is that he has begun to disrespect my husband. Not in that blatant out and out type of way, but more low key. Like he may ask the two of us a question and my husband will respond(usually one he doesn't want to here) and my nephew will position his body so that he is no longer facing my husband and continue the conversation with me(after rolling his eyes). When I do something for him he says thank you, but when my husband does something, he says nothing. My husband has said that I need to have a talk with my nephew but I am not sure what to say. My nephew is constantly making bad decisions and not taking responsibility for them. He won't hang around his mother because he doesn't like her new husband, he has burned bridges with his grandparents and he gambles away his money(betting on bowling) and he expects everyone else to take up the slack for his mistakes. Instead of taking his money to purchase a needed book for school: he gambled away half of it and had the nerve to ask me if I would help him purchase his book. Just yesterday, he did the most stupid thing: he has lost his house key, my husband, myself and the kids were pulling up in our drive-way and noticed that the trash had been set out. Well, we didn't sit it out before we left and my nephew was not at home when we left. Well, out of the house steps my nephew and at the top of his voice he says" yeah auntie, I got my b&e skills from you!" I'm like what? How did you get in the house? He climbed into the back window! The only window in the house that does not lock! He stood his big ass up on the cooler, lifted the window and climbed in! I could not believe it! Then he has the nerve to say that no one saw him....WTH????? Of course someone saw him! I had to keep my husband from cussing him out and I had to calm down because now you have put the entire household in jeopardy! When I explained this to him, he looked at me like I was stupid. He thinks it was okay to climb into the window and expose us all because if someone does break in while we are home then he is going to fight them! A bomb could go off in the middle of his room and he wouldn't hear it! So, I don't know what my conversation to him should consist of and I don't know if I should continue to let him stay . He has no place else to go and I just want PEACE in my house.

My AZZ Can't Swim!

Okay...took the family to Red Oaks Water Park. I didn't want to go...I am not a huge fan of water parks. Why? basically because I can't swim. So I am forced to buy a bathing suit...yep forced! We go...the 3 year old can't swim and isn't that fond of water above her ankles...so the two of us chill on the lounger while my 12 year old and husband have at the water. Eventually the oldest talked me into going into the lazy river. We all rode. I was in the 2 tube with my oldest and my husband was in one with the 3 year old. Imagine my little ones surprise when she realized that water may get dumped on her head. She was not happy...as a matter of fact she was yelling..."Mommy help...Mommy help. I had to acknowledge her so that they wouldn't arrest my husband. Once we are finished with that the (evil) 12 year old talks me into going into the "wave" pool. I squeeze myself into a tube and say lets go. We get into the pool(goes from 1" to 8') and she tells me to hold on to her tube. She's swimming and I'm just being drug along...all of a sudden I realize she is taking me to the deep side. (I am only 5'3"). I am saying...STOP...don't go any farther. She doesn't stop...so I get ready to let go and I realize that my feet can't touch the bottom. So...I do not immediately panic...the (evil) 12 year old then shakes me loose but I have managed to pull her back to 5' of water...so I am feeling pretty comfortable now. The bell rings for the waves to start and I begin to get a little nervous. The waves come and at first I am fine...until I realize that I am being pushed into the middle of the pool and into 8' of water. The waves are getting harder now and I can't find the evil 12 year old. I am starting to panic and get tired. I am leaning forward onto the tube and holding on to the sides. I feel like I am going to tip over and drown. I am starting to panic...then I see my husband...I wave and I get his attention. He waves back...I mouth "no" don't wave...the water is too deep. He nods, waves again and moths back" I know"...sits down and continues to read his newspaper! I decide at that moment that him and the evil 12 year old have joined forces to kill me and collect my insurance money. I start violently kicking my legs trying to get the tube to move in a different direction...however I am not going the way I want to. After 20 minutes at the deep end,kicking and panicking...the waves finally stop and I am able to get to the side...throw off the tube and get out of the pool...at which time I inform everyone that it is time to go home! Why...because my azz can't swim. The tip...don't let your evil 12 year old talk you in to going into the water with her....she will try to KILL you.

WTH (why the hell) Is It So Difficult?

WTH is it so difficult to understand that I don't like leaving dishes in the sink all night? WTH is it so difficult to understand that I don't like putting garbage in the kitchen can without a dayum bag? WTH is it so difficult to understand that I don't like walking into my home and the smell that greets me is not one of cooked food...but rather that of stinky garbage? WTH is it so difficult to understand that procrastination is not acceptable? OMGosh...can we just get it done when we say we are going to? WTH is it so difficult to understand that if I am driving myself to work I would appreciate not having to leave early so that I can STOP and get gas? If you were the last one in the car(last night) and you know that I have to go to work(in the am)...can you not GET GAS on your way home that night? And don't get an attitude with me because I start to wash the dishes(that you said you were going to wash) last night...and don't get mad with me because I roll my eyes at you when you tell me that I need to put gas in the car. WTH is it so difficult to MAN THE HELL UP??? I don't get it....I have two children(12 &3)..not 3 children. Why must I ponder these things from a grown person? Okay...I just needed to vent. I came to work a wee bit upset and I had to get this out of my system before I go home. TTFN

Which One Are You?

I received this in my email today..and thought I would share it:

A young woman went to her mother and told her she was going through some hard times. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them boil for about twenty minutes and then poured each into a separate bowl. Turning to her daughter, she said, "Now tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother asked her daughter to feel the carrots, which were soft, and the eggs, which were now hard-boiled. Finally, the mother asked her daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled at the rich aroma and silky taste.

"What does it mean?" she asked. Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrots went into the water strong and hard but had become soft and weak. The fragile eggs had hardened. The coffee grounds were another matter altogether. Instead of being changed, they changed the water.

"When adversity knocks on your door, which are you? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?" she asked her daughter.
"Will you be the carrot that seems strong but wilts under the strain of adversity? Or will you be the egg that starts with a malleable spirit? Then tough times – death, a breakup, financial hardship, or some other trial – leave you with a shell that looks the same on the outside. Yet inside you have a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

"Or will you be like the coffee bean? In painful circumstances, will you find a way to change them and make them better? When the hour is the darkest and trials greatest, will you elevate yourself and those around you to another level?"

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a cup of coffee?

This story is an excellent reminder that the results we get in tough times have more to do with our actions and approach than with the difficult circumstances that we (and our competitors) find ourselves in.